When the wedding planner gets married | PART 1: The Preparations
Hi all, Lauren Schaefer Goodner here, founder of The Get Together Events Co. and *newlywed*. I got married one year ago on Sunday, March 19th, 2023, so I figured now is the time to finally share a recap!
Through the whole planning process, the comments I got the most were things like:
“Oh my gosh! A planner getting married! It’s gonna be epic!”
“Oh my gosh! A planner getting married! You must be a nightmare bride!”
“Oh my gosh! A planner getting married! You must have it already all planned out!”
And so on and so forth…
And all of these comments REALLY did a psychological number on me. Sure, I’m a wedding planner, but I’m also just a girl… standing in front of a boy… asking him to love her (Thanks J. Roberts). That means- yes, I’m a planner, so I might know a thing or two about timelines, but all of a sudden, this wasn’t business, this was personal. This was vulnerable. And my husband isn’t a wedding planner- and this was his wedding too.
So the wedding planning process was just as daunting for me as it is for many of my clients (almost as daunting as writing this blog)- because it is NOT normal for anyone to stand in front of all your people and process your love permanently to one person while wearing formal attire.
As I say to all my clients… “weddings are weird”. And mine was no different.
But let’s dive in shall we?
THE PREPARATIONS:
In preparing for our wedding, my now-husband (Tom) and I started our wedding planning the same way I recommend all couple’s start…
Hire a wedding coordinator (duh)!
The second thing I tell everyone to do is come up with three descriptive words that you want to describe your day. So through the decision making process, when every foreseeable instagram ad or pinterest board idea is flying your way, there are some boundaries beyond just your current budget and emotional level.
So our words we decided upon were: FUN | INTENTIONAL | EASY
Fun - this was the easy one. Tom and I are fun people (if I do say so myself). We have fun together. We are playful. So our wedding and everything surrounding it needed to be a reflection of that. Our attire might be fancy, but our attitude was fun.
Intentional - this one came straight from my work experience. SO many clients do things that they don’t need or don’t really want to do, they just assume they need to do it. If the answer to “why are you doing this?” is “I don’t know,” then don’t do it. Everything with our wedding was going to have purpose and meaning, even if that meant that our guestbook table was a sparse with a lack of tchotchkes. Through the planning process, my husband stopped me multiple times to ask what the intention was behind decisions, and it realigned me right away.
Easy - This was a big one as I am a wedding planner. My wedding was NOT going to be work. It was going to be easy. So if that meant not having end of night peacocks because I can’t get an exotic animal permit in time for our wedding, then so be it. (I have no idea if this is a thing and I didn’t do it, but you get it). This also meant delegation. I took as much off my own plate (thanks wedding coordinator!) so that it indeed didn’t feel like work.
WHAT ARE YOUR WORDS?
Along with booking the vendors, making a budget, gathering the guest list and the like, Tom and I also made a point to add a few specifics into our planning process that were important to us:
MARRIAGE COACHING - This one was a must for me. Weddings are one day. Marriages are a lifetime. Tom and I worked with Chance Dillon to create a foundation for our marriage pre-wedding and Chance also helped us shape our ceremony. (More on that later)
DANCE LESSONS - Tom and I are both “dancers”, not “DANCERS”. Most of my dance moves are in my facial expressions and Tom loves to air punch. So we wanted to take a few dance lessons just so we had some go-to moves TOGETHER to bring out in our first dance and throughout the night. This was SO fun and made for some lovely date nights as well.
ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS- These were super important because Tom and I are weird. We are both uncomfortable in front of a camera and generally are goofy. So it was important to us to take engagement photos with our wedding photographer, not just to capture this special time in our lives, but also to use as a practice session for wedding day.
DIY PROJECTS - We are crafty people. We love doing projects together. We knew that we were going to craft for our wedding, but to make sure it remained #EASY and #FUN, Tom and I created a DIY project list and stuck to it.
MEDITATION - I don’t meditate on the regular, but on the recommendation of my therapist, I began doing 10 minutes of meditation a day (with Tom too!) to center ourselves. I did this all the way up to wedding morning doing a special “Wedding Morning” meditation by myself before the day went turbo. It was so special.
Come back tomorrow for Part 2: The Decisions
Photos courtesy of Madi Flournoy Photography
Lauren Schaefer Goodner is the founder of The Get Together Events Co. your month-of wedding and events coordination company, offering affordable services and peace of mind to New York, Nashville, Chicago and beyond.
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